Confliction

One of the hardest positions I maintain is being pro-choice and pro-life at the same time. I hate, hate, reading about women having abortions, at seeing the pictures, of knowing that a little person was extinguished before it even had a chance to get started. (I really don't like hearing about kids, any age, dying). Ideally the reasons for abortions could be solved, but that will never happen. For some, abortion is a form of conception control (why do we call the pill and condoms "birth control"?), to be used as easily as a condom. Makes me burn.

And yet.

I know others do not hold my beliefs. I know that others have desperate need for access to abortions. I know that I should not pass judgement on them for their choices, any more than I would want them to pass judgement on mine. I know that they must decide what is appropriate for their own life. I know punishing them after the fact would do nothing (it would not bring the baby back), and could likely compound whatever pain they are already in. I know I can not make the choice for so many others.

And yet.

It Doesn't Make Sense

Logic, or rather the apparent lack thereof, can present a real problem when people discuss about their decisions in life. How could a person who seems to have everything to live for commit suicide? Or why would a person be willing to take risks in one area of life but not in another? You could call these people idiots or fools, ignorant or uniformed, selfish or hypocritical, but it is doubtful that is true. Especially when you consider that everyone lives with or by logically inconsistent behavior, at least part of the time.

I think it is a fundamental aspect of being human. Because we constantly alter our reality to suit ourselves, never leaving well enough alone, we are constantly testing, revising, or revisiting the decision making process. One risk in isolation may be acceptable, but the cummulative risks of another set of actions may be unacceptable. I know people who watch what they eat for health reasons but drink caffeine by the gallon. This to me is logically inconsistent, to them caffeine doesn't count. Personal preference trumps logic. It's what makes this place so fun, and so irritating to live in.

In the beginning

I believe that nothing is more frightening than the blank page. You can put any line, any word, any color down. Whatever that first mark is sets the tone for whatever will follow. You can erase it, color over it, tear it up and start anew, but it is too late. You can never go back to the beginning and start fresh.

This is the nature of life. We convince ourselves that life is full of the potential of new beginnings, but that's not really possible. Everything we do is affected by what we did before.

We can only strive to be clear in the actions we make moving forward.