I'm still processing the birth of my child. It's the only reason I have for why I got back to some of the sites and blogs I do. It's becoming less frequent, and I've largely stopped posting on one (partially because it's a futile attempt at discussion and debate), but why else would I still watch birth videos, or talk about birth, and think about it? It's hardly the first time I've come close to dying (slipped on a walkway at Mont Blanc in the Alps, and my legs went over the edge, a good 500 foot straight drop onto rock, and only a flailing hand grab to some grass kept me from going over completely, or the time as a child I flew out in front of a semi going 55 on my bike, ironically saved by my inability to back pedal brake). Maybe I just haven't come to terms with the utter life-changing nature of it. Sure, for some people getting pregnant and giving birth is no big deal, it's all about raising the kid, but childbirth is different. I honestly can't say if it was the hardest/most important/most life-changing/most painful/etc experience of my life. I do think that it is the only experience which has truly been both an alpha and omega. Unlike anything or event in my life, there was a time before birth, and a time after. If I have another child, I don't think it'll be the same, either. Something about the first birth. Of course I won't know that until I have another kid, but there's that. I just might not have another child. I think I'm getting closer though to understanding it. And maybe when I do my life will stop being on hold.